Stephen was the first martyr for Christ. He spoke so powerfully, so persuasively, in the synagogue that no one who debated him was able to win their argument. To say they were sore losers is to put it mildly – they lied about Stephen, incited a mob, and had him arrested. When he appeared before the high council, Stephen spoke very clearly and powerfully about Israel’s failures in their relationship with God. This was the same high council that had arranged Jesus’ arrest, then tried and condemned Him, and their response was pretty much the same.
“The Jewish leader were infuriated by Stephen’s accusation, and they shook their fists in rage… Then they put their hands over their ears, and drowning out his voice with their shouts, they rushed at him. They dragged him out of the city and began to stone him” (Acts 7:54, 57-58)
When someone offends us, I think we can be pretty quick to pick up a stone. Our default response is accusation – You did this. You did that. You. You. You. Sharp words. When we fling them in anger, someone is sure to wind up bleeding.
Other times we choose to let the matter drop. But if we drop the stones and just leave them there without doing the work of restoring the relationship, we can end up with a mountain of bitterness and resentment between us and the other person. Have you ever noticed the Jews always seemed to have a lot of rocks handy for stoning?
In response to a crowd ready to stone a woman caught red-handed breaking the rules, Jesus said, You’re right, she’s guilty. If you’ve never done anything wrong, go ahead and take the first shot (John 8:7, paraphrase). We’re forgiven sinners because of the grace and mercy of God. Not because we were so great. Not because our sins weren’t so bad. Simply because the Lord loves us.
Peter asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). I read that and I totally get it. Peter wants to know when is enough, enough? How many times do I have to forgive this person when they let me down, disappoint me, don’t come through?
The answer is every time. “If he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4). This is what’s been done for us. God says, I am never done with you. Until your final breath, I will forgive you. I will welcome you back. I will release you from any debt you owe me. Because I love you.
We need humility to remind us that we ourselves were once enemies of God. It allows us to do for others what God has done for us – give up our claim against the offender, our right to demand payment. We can cancel the debt, drop the stone, regardless of what the offender does in response. It was Stephen who cried out with his last breath, “Don’t charge them with this sin!” (Acts 7:60).
I want to say very clearly that forgiveness does not approve of the wrong others have done. It doesn’t condone or excuse. It doesn’t make everything ok. It doesn’t demand that you remain in a dangerous situation. God never intends harm for you and His goal is always to lead you to a place of safety, a place of rest. A quiet stream in a green pasture. Even if you cannot remain the relationship, forgiveness clears the ground. This is for our benefit so we don’t get tripped up by the boulders that would otherwise be left behind.
The enemy would love for us to leave the pile intact. He’s content with the status quo. He’s happy when we’re separated. But God has a tendency to upset the status quo – He makes us new persons, with new and right desires and a new and right relationship with Him. He wants us to have a fresh start in our relationships with others as well. So God calls us to do the hard work of removing the stones, of clearing the rubble.
After all, how can the enemy get any traction when we are constantly clearing the battlefield in order to build a fortress? How can he find an opening, how can he divide and isolate where we are fierce and intentional in our pursuit of unity? We disarm him when we refuse to let offenses become weapons.
“You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other” (James 3:18 MSG emphasis added). When repentance and forgiveness are practiced regularly, reconciliation can occur and harmony can be reintroduced into the relationship. This is hard work. But it’s possible. We can move the stones that separate us and use them to build a wall of protection. A place of refuge and safety. One that encircles us and the other person.
Love that keeps no record of wrongs is love that protects.
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace (Romans 14:19 NIV)