Month: February 2023

I enjoy a good romantic comedy, but they’re pretty predictable. Boy and girl meet. Something stands in the way of their being together but because they love one another, they overcome all obstacles to be together. Swell music. Seal with a kiss. Cue the credits. The formula works – according to statista.com, 2021 was a low-earnings year for romantic comedies and they still managed to gross about $1.36 million in the North American market. That dramatic moment feels good. But that’s just the beginning of the real story. While all love may start with affection, real love keeps going. It keeps growing. 

There’s something wrong if the tender shoots of warm feelings in another’s company never grow deep roots. Love without roots will soon wither. But love with roots endures. Paul describes it this way – “Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]” (1 Corinthians 13:4-6 AMP).

Paul’s not talking about warm feelings. He’s talking about the very practical nature of love that puts up with much and overlooks wrongs and hangs on to the very end. It’s love in the context of a broken world under the curse of sin. That kind of love doesn’t happen overnight. It requires maturity.

What’s the mark of maturity? Being able to discern and act on what’s best regardless of personal sentiment, convenience, or preference. Love that’s based on how you feel is childish. Even a toddler can love people they like. What God wants is for His love in us to expand to such fullness that it bursts through the barriers that sin has erected and overflows to everyone, everywhere, even our enemies. That’s the kind of love that the Father has for us (Matthew 5:43-48). That’s the kind of love Jesus demonstrated for us on the cross. 

In spite of immense personal agony, Jesus didn’t ask for His pain to be lessened or His suffering to be diminished. He didn’t pray for His enemies to be punished or for the rightness of His position to be defended. He looked out from the cross full of compassion and asked God to forgive us. That is real love. That is how we are loved. That is how we are to love one another. 

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God - for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. 1 John 4:7-10

When planning a trip by plane, I tend to forget the whole process of getting somewhere is more than buying a ticket and getting onboard. There’s the unpredictability of getting to the airport, the process to check in and pass through security. That’s another 3-4 hours of travel time for even the shortest of flights.

I must not be the only one who forgets this part. On a recent trip, the extra cushion I had allowed was eaten up before I even got into the airport. Then the line for the counter snaked back and forth, and anxious passengers began jumping places, pushing past others in their desire to get to the front. Those waiting began grumbling. Things looked a bit dicey for a few minutes. 

Sometimes that’s the way it is. There are days when we’re so focused on ourselves – on what we need, where we’re trying to go, what we want – that we just push our way to the front, oblivious to the impact we have on those around us. This is how we behave when we think we’re going to miss out on happiness – “You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous for what others have, and you can’t possess it, so you fight and quarrel to take it away from them” (James 4:2). 

Self-centeredness is always going to lead us to disregard others. Unchecked, it leads us to the false belief that our desires are more important than anything else, that our happiness is the only thing that really matters. When I begin to believe that’s actually true, I’ve started to travel down a dangerous road.

What’s the solution?  It isn’t self-hatred. It’s the enemy who says we are unworthy of being loved, that we’re fundamentally unlovable in our very nature.  That’s not what God says. God says He loves us.  He created us in His image and declared that we are good. No, the way out of the dangerous temptation to self-love is humility. 

Humility is seeing ourselves rightly, as God sees us.  This means neither self-hatred nor self-love.  The truth is God loves us, and we have a terrible tendency to wander away.  Humility keeps us in right relationship with God because it recognizes the strong pull of sin in our lives and our desperate need for Him to keep us from being dragged off.  And humility keeps us on an even footing with others because we know that we all make many mistakes.  Their sin could be our sin.  Their failures could be our failures.

But when we’re the one being shoved out of the way and stepped on, it’s hard. We wonder if anybody even sees us. We worry a bit about what will happen to our own needs, our own ability to get where we want to go if we let everyone else go ahead. Does humility mean that we’ll be left behind?

The truth is, we’re not ready for the destination without the preparation. It’s the part of the journey we enjoy the least, but it’s essential.  “For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems sad and painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness [right standing with God and a lifestyle and attitude that seeks conformity to God’s will and purpose]” (Hebrews 12:11 AMP).

True happiness isn’t found in being first, but in trusting that God will sort things out rightly. Consider the example we have in Jesus, who demonstrated for us what it looks like to turn the other cheek, go the extra mile, and love His enemies. He didn’t insist on having His own way, or assert His rights. Instead He humbled Himself in obedience and allowed God to determine the outcome. “Let [Him] teach you, because [He is] humble and gentle” (Matthew 11:29).