I used to think the hardest part of parenting was the sleep deprivation. It’s a form of torture, right? But as my kids have grown, I’ve come to realize that the hardest part is really letting your kids make their own decisions.
When they’re small, letting them choose is a great parenting strategy. Let them decide between two safe, acceptable choices. “Would you like grapes or a cheese stick?” Having a choice makes them feel like they’re in control. Because you control the choices, you’re really the one in control. Win-win.
But the day will certainly come when your kid will discover the cookies you have stashed in the cupboard, and she will want one. She’ll suggest options you never put on the menu and beg and cry and throw a fit when you say no. And then she’ll try to get her hands on them without asking. And suddenly freewill is a trickier thing.
My kids have reached the age when the choices are bigger, the consequences weightier. When I’m concerned about more than the effect sugar will have on naptime. And while I want my children to practice decision-making so they can be confident in their ability to make good choices, it’s hard because I care about the outcome. I don’t want to see them fall.
This is hard for me, but it’s not hard for God. Still, it’s astounding that of all the things He could have created, He chose to make children. Instead of robots programmed to follow His commands or clones that were exact replicas of Himself, God made children. Children free to choose, even though He knew full well all that would result from those choices.
Giving choice involves the risk that the child will choose something other than what the parent wants. But is it really a choice if, when they make a decision I don’t agree with, I swoop in and reverse it? When I don’t let them experience the full outcome of their choice?
There are some choices my kids can make that I know won’t end well, but most of the time I’m not certain of the outcome. It’s the uncertainty that makes me anxious and worried. But God knows the results of our choices, how they will play out. When He says, “Don’t do it,” we can be certain it’s because He knows the fall that will come as a result of disobeying.
God is a good Father, a perfect parent, and He loves us in spite of our choices. He says, “Don’t touch the stove” and when we ignore His instructions and get burned, He comforts us. He makes it better. He doesn’t withhold or withdraw His love when we reject His advice, when we rebel against Him. He keeps loving us, even while our decisions bring Him sorrow.
From the very beginning, God said, “You are free” (Genesis 2:16). Free to choose. Free to give our allegiance, our obedience, our affection. Free to choose love of self or love of another. It was our choice of self-love that got us into disastrous trouble in the first place, that led us away into slavery to sin. And it’s God’s unceasing love for another, for us, that’s our only real hope of redemption.
If the Son sets you free, you will be indeed be free. John 8:36